So, sit down folks, let me tell you a tale. I must warn you, if you have not yet had children, and still want to have children, maybe you should skip Lincoln's story.
Lincoln
In December of 2009 I found out I was pregnant. Hooray! I am one of those lucky gals that had zero sickness and zero problems during my pregnancy. We were also those crazy people that did not find out the gender before birth. I'd always known I wanted to do it this way and luckily Cheyenne felt the same. The best part about not finding out was that it drove everyone else crazy! And that was enjoyable to us, because we're snarky like that.
Around 4 am on Monday, August 23rd I woke up because I had a slight pain in my lower abdomen. This slight pain would come and go and I realized soon that this slight pain came around about every 6 min. So I did what any person in 2010 would do. I got up, went to my computer, and Googled "what do contractions feel like?" (true story). I thought to myself "Man, if these are what contractions are like I've TOTALLY GOT THIS! I don't understand what all the fuss is about contractions." (haha....silly Amy....)
While googling, out of nowhere, I peed the couch. Awesome. I ran to the bathroom got a towel, and cleaned up myself and the couch. Then I promptly peed it again. That's when it clicked that maybe my water had broke. I went to wake Cheyenne up and said something to the effect of "um, hi. I think I'm having contractions and I think my water has broke. Or something is really wrong with my bladder because I keep peeing myself. Either way we should probably get that checked out."
So Cheyenne got up and we started getting ready. The slight pains became a little more INTENSE and started coming a little bit faster. I was ready to go to the hospital, let's go! All I had to do was wait for Cheyenne to shower... and get dressed... and slowly eat a bowl of cereal...and feed the dogs... and just be as slow as humanly possible while my insides were ripping apart. ANGER. When he was FINALLY ready to go, we left for the hospital. And hit rush hour traffic. MORE ANGER!
We arrived at the hospital, check-in, and get settled in a room.
| At the hospital, in between contractions. Yes, I'm wearing Cheyenne's basketball shorts. It was August, hot, and that was all that fit. |
Once we are settled I say ever so sweetly to Cheyenne "NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THIS ROOM UNTIL I GET MY EPIDURAL!" The pain was really talking now and those slight pains had been replaced by knife gutting pains in my abdomen. Lucky for me though I have a super cervix and had been at 4 cm for a few weeks, so I could get my epidural just as soon as the guy could get there. I got my epi and everything was flowers, rainbows, and unicorns after that. Later that afternoon the nurse finally says it's time to push. Hooray!
Cheyenne and I are waiting for the doctors and nurses to rush in and get ready. The nurse then looks at Cheyenne and says "grab a leg." Say what? Cheyenne and I just looked at each other, confused. Where are the doctors and nurses and team of people? Our plan was for Cheyenne to stay at my head and see NOTHING. But, we are not ones to question people on how to do their job, so my man took one for the team and grabbed a leg. (side note: I never once read in ANY book that you start pushing with only a nurse and that the doctor doesn't come in until the baby has almost birthed itself. They should tell you these things. I mean seriously, I got so many "oh just you wait"s, but NO ONE thought to tell me about the solitary nurse pushing). I began to push. I don't know how long this went on, but after awhile my nurse (who had zero personality, btw) said we should dial back my epidural a bit so I could really "feel where I need to push from." She said it was common for first time moms to not really know where they should push from and she would just dial it back "a bit", let me sit for an hour, and then we'd try again. Again, I'm not one to question someone on how to do their job....
And this is where it all went to hell.
One hour later I'm feeling that pain again, not too bad, but uncomfortable. She comes back in the room and I say "Ok, I feel it. Can we dial that bad boy back up again?" And she says, and I will never forget this as long as I live, "We can, but I'm not sure it will take effect in time for you to deliver."
WHHHAAATTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!?
What happened next was the most painful, gut wrenching, unyielding, painful experience I have ever been through. I cried through all of it and was in such pain I couldn't even speak. Cheyenne was wonderful and kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing "such a great job" and all I wanted him to do was SHUT UP. I wanted everyone to SHUT UP! Can't you all see I'm in pain? I MUST be the only one this has ever happened to because surely no one else, EVER, has been in this much pain?!?!? I won't go into the specific details of the pain (and it burns burns burns, that ring of Fire, that ring of fire) but let's just say it was that blinding, praying for death kind of pain where I'm pretty sure my head rotated 360 degrees and I spewed venom. At least that's how I remember it.
I realize that women give birth naturally every day and have been doing it for centuries. More power to those women, but I signed up for a pain-free, flowers and rainbows birthing experience where not one bead of sweat drips from my head and I am completely coherent and remember every wonderful detail of my child being born. But that was not in cards for me and now whenever I think of his birth the pain is the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe one day I will be able to get past it, but as you can tell, it's 3 years later and I'm still angry. If I EVER see that nurse again I will punch her in the throat. If you are giving birth and your nurse says she's just going to "back out your epidural for a bit" you need to kick her in the shins and request a new nurse.
Finally, my baby was here. I had to be reminded that my baby was here because I was just so happy the pain was over I seriously forgot for a few seconds that I'd just had a baby. The pain was that bad and the relief from that pain was that great.
Once I remembered I'd had a baby, I said "What is it? What is it?" And it was a BOY! A beautiful little boy.
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| My sweet Lincoln at a few weeks old. Look at all that hair! Fun Fact: Lincoln had so much hair that he was born with a little hillbilly rat tail. We cut it at about 3 weeks old because we couldn't handle looking at it anymore. |
Adelyn
Now that I knew what was up, the birth of Miss Adelyn went MY way.
I walked in for my scheduled induction. They gave me Pitocin. Once again, super cervix was at work and as they gave me Pitocin I so politely said "Excuse me, but I am already at a 4 and my goal is to feel nothing. I would like my epidural now please." Got my epi and promptly went to sleep. The second time around you realize what you are really getting into and so I banned everyone from the hospital so that I could sleep until it was time to push. Best. Plan. Ever.
Around 11:00 am the nurse said "Let's try to push." Then she said "Stop, don't push! You're ready!" The doctor walked in and 2 minutes later Miss Adelyn just walked herself on out (I like to imagine she was just strutting, wearing a top hat, twirling a cane while whistling Dixie).
LOVE. HER.
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| Look at that sweet baby girl! |
I remember everything about Miss A being born and it's all so wonderful. I remember how she looked purple and alien and how she didn't cry at first and it scared me. I remember staring into her eyes and her staring into mine. I try to think of that moment often so I never forget it. I guess when you're not focused on the pain you can remember the sweet stuff.
So good luck to all of my future mama friends out there! May you have a skittles and rainbow kind of birth!
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